A little more Carioca

It's hard.

I can do it, but it's hard.

I'm taking my life in Rio and trying to slowly integrate myself back into the reality of my life in the States.

I'm trying to keep talking to all of the incredible friends I made while in Brazil, but they are getting back into their normal everyday routines of going to work and taking care of their families just like I am back home and working every day as well. They don't have as much time for me, I don't have as much for them. Still, I try to send them messages on WhatsApp every chance I get; to tell them something that reminded me of them or to let them know how much I miss them. Sometimes they reply, sometimes they don't, just like normal people in their normal lives. The sad thing is that I feel like we are running out of things to talk about and I want nothing more than to just continue talking to these wonderful people, allowing them to inspire me and trying to inspire them as well.

The important part is that I don't forget what I've learned and the inspiration I had while I was there. So many new perspectives and ideas were presented to me and I want to integrate all of them into my life, my home, my work. But I also have to keep up. I have to catch up on everything that I missed while I was gone and then somehow keep up with everything that is going on while trying to integrate these new perspectives and ideas.

It's almost impossible.

I spend a lot of time listening to playlists I downloaded while I am working. Brazilian music with a mix of American and Spanish music that's currently popular in Brazil, mostly. It helps.

I wear jewelry and clothing that I bought while living there, and look daily at my beautiful Brazilian tattoo. It also helps.

But really I think the saddest thing is the relationships. Those people mean so much to me because we went through so much together; suffering and heartache, happiness and excitement, boredom, love, just everything! We were living together in a huge community and depending on one another in a way that I've never depended on anyone.

But now I'm home. Life isn't like that here. I want it to be. I can't let it be the way it was before. It won't be the way it was. I'm going to change it.

Be ready, Missouri.

I'm back and I'm a little more carioca than you remember.