Why saying "no" isn't rude.

Living in another country and immersing yourself in another culture is an incredible experience. However, it's not always all friendship and hugs and kisses - even in Brazil. Sometimes, you just have to do things that are socially unacceptable to stay true to yourself and what you want. This might end up leading to some hurt feelings, but in the end you have to think about what is more important; your ideas and values for yourself and your trip or whether the people around you like or dislike you.

In Brazil, it's rude to say no. The general way to go about turning someone down is by offering an excuse or different solution without using the word "no" at all. For instance, someone may ask "Do you want to go out for lunch?" and if you don't want to or your have other plans you should say something along the lines of "I have a meeting during lunch tomorrow, maybe some other time." Notice the complete absence of the word "no" from the response whatsoever. If the person persisted in asking the same question over and over then eventually you would be required to say "no" just to get them off of your case.

I love dancing, of course, but one of the big problems I have with dance clubs here is that it is socially unacceptable for a female to turn down any guy who musters up the courage to ask her for a dance. I have a boyfriend back home, so I am not going to clubs looking for guys, often I am there with girlfriends or just for the dancing. Therefore, I end up turning a lot of guys down (especially being a blonde in a country like Brazil, be prepared for a LOT of wandering eyes!!) and I generally try to be Brazilian about it by saying something along the lines of "I'm dancing with my girlfriends." However, the interaction that follows is often very uncomfortable, with the man insisting that I MUST dance with him, taking my hand, and/or assuming he is the supreme ruler of all things female. Eventually, I have to come out with a nice, stern "no" to get him to stop and go away. Does the guy think I'm rude? Probably. Have I injured his ego? Yep. But the thing is, do I really want to be dragged away from my friends by a guy I either don't know or I barely know just so he doesn't think I'm rude? Absolutely not. It doesn't take long to see what the best option is here; if I'm going to have to get around to saying it eventually anyway, I might as well just lead with "no" and move on with my night. Which is what I've started doing.

I shouldn't have had to take such a long trial-and-error period in order to figure this out, but who else would have taught me such things?

If we can teach girls to say "no" at a younger age, it could help a lot in the fight against things like rape culture. I am not saying that it's a cause, but it would make a lot of mixed messages that young women send out more clear. Girls who feel like they just want to be nice would realize that in "being nice" they can also be leading a man on even if that's the opposite of what they want.