Why making new friends is so hard for adults

When you were a kid, making friends was so super easy. You saw someone wearing a Spongebob Squarepants shirt or playing with a toy you were fond of and you just walked right up to join them. Sometimes that went well and you became friends with the kid, other times they didn't want to share and you either had to back off or fight them for some play time. The fact of the matter is, as you got older you took in all of this information and became more calculating when meeting new people. You wanted to find friends who would share and stay away from situations where you might have to show somebody who's boss. By the time you got to high school, you were probably involved in so many "Mean Girls"-style situations that the cost of the squabbles far outweighed the benefits of making a new friend.

Now, welcome to adulthood. You might not like to admit it, but somewhere deep down you are afraid to make new friends. It can be hard to break out of this pattern learned as a child and then a teenager, but I have to tell you that it's worth the trouble. Do it, and realize that the other people are probably just as afraid to make new friends as you are, but they will be thankful that you made the first step (or at least responded positively to when they make the first step). Do it, and know that you are making someone else's life richer so long as you are allowing them to make yours that way as well. We all need friends, and so many times as adults we tend to push friendship aside in favor of working or hobbies or some other thing that we learned was more important. The truth is, our relationships with other people are what make any of that other stuff worthwhile.

Being in another country, I had to keep myself in check a lot of times with this. I would often see another person and find myself inspecting their expression, their body language, their demeanor... when really all I needed to do was go up to them and say hi. It's a good learned habit to be precautious, you don't want to walk up to someone who could potentially pull a gun out and mug you, but when you are in a situation where you are supposed to be meeting new people it can be let down a bit more than what I was doing. What I often found when I greeted someone new or gave an unexpected smile or wave was that the other person was wanting to be friends just as much as I was, they were just scared to take the next step.

Continuing with your timeline, I can also say that it has been my experience that as you enter into your senior years the "fear" seems to be reversed. I can't tell you how many elder adults had no problem walking right up to me and talking to me without even caring so much if I spoke their language let alone if I was going to be a nice person or welcome their company! If their wisdom has taught me anything, it's to be brave in the face of your fears, even if those fears manifest themselves in some form of social anxiety. It will be worth it later.

<3 Jackie